


in my end, you're my beginning

by dicksargents (wittchers)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Fun, Grim Reapers, Reapers, blue is an angel of death and she's supposed to kill gansey, but it's hopeful, kind of, no major character death tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:05:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17716841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wittchers/pseuds/dicksargents
Summary: Gansey hovered, reaching a tentative hand out towards her. He seemed unbothered by her silence.“Your wings are beautiful.”“Don’t touch it,” she hissed and tucked it against her back.He withdrew his hand and looked at her expectantly. “Well?”“Well?”“Can you fly?”Blue frowned, eyeing him in disbelief. “Is that really what you want to know?”“Oh, I suppose I should ask you who – or what – you are but I think I already know.”“What am I then?”“Death.”





	in my end, you're my beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second piece for the Bluesey Zine from last year (I posted the soulmate au just before this) Enjoy!

Blue had forgotten how many times she’d been told that reapers were the most important class of angels to exist.

It was a vanity thing, of course – she imagined all the other classes thought the same of themselves. But still, no one could deny that being a reaper came with prestige. Importance. Responsibility – a lot of it. She’d been told countless times that reapers were in charge of the balance of the universe, and for that, they were exceptional and irreplaceable. She’d been told it was an honorable job, one anyone would be proud of, and she was lucky to be born into this class.

Blue had believed it.

Right until her first assignment.

She’d never been told how _hard_ the job really was.

* * *

In theory, it shouldn’t have been difficult. Reapers didn’t have to kill or arrange the circumstances of the death. They didn’t choose their victims. That was all fate’s doing. Fate decided the who, the when, the where, and the how – all Blue had to do was explain the situation as gently as possible and lead them over to whatever future was awaiting them on the other side.

But no matter how easy it seemed in theory, Blue was now standing frozen in the rain, unable to do what she was sent here for.

It was not even the boy, really: his ghost staring at her in confusion, shoulders drenched with rain. It was his friends: one frantically trying to give him CPR, the other on the phone, frantically calling 911.

They looked wrecked. It had taken Blue off-guard.

During her training, she had been taught to treat all assignments as if she were leading them to a better place – Heaven, if you will – even when that was not the case. The dying would feel better about moving on and the reaper could feel like they were helping, not harming.

But Blue had never thought about the people they left behind. Looking at them now, she could hardly believe she was helping them, too.

If she took this boy – his name was Richard, she reminded herself to make him appear more human in her eyes – away from his friends, wouldn’t she be harming them? Ruining their peaceful lives?

Blue didn’t want to be the reason for anyone’s pain.

She took a deep breath, flexing her fingers, slowly trying to regain control over her body. Tearing her eyes away from his friends, she looked at the boy – Richard. Too young to be dead already.

He looked back, so much confusion and turmoil in his eyes. On some subconscious level, he must have had realized what was going on, even if it was difficult to believe.

Blue clenched her fists, steeling herself for the hard choice she had to make. She knew if she didn’t act soon, her time to reap his soul would run out and he would return to his body.

But when he looked at himself lying unconsciously on the ground, then back at her with a question mark etched on his face, she shook her head. She was only now noticing the unshed tears in her eyes.

Faintly, she could hear the wailing of sirens approaching the scene, then Richard’s ghost disappeared in front of her and he woke up gasping on the ground.

Blue exhaled shakily, her heart racing too fast in her chest. She put her hand over it as if physically trying to calm it down. She had to get out of here.

She spared the boys – now frantically hovering over Richard – one last glance, then unfolding her wings, she took off.

* * *

Blue reassured herself that hesitation was a perfectly normal reaction for a newbie reaper and she was not the first one to run into trouble during their first assignment. But when she butchered things a second time, – a heart attack at the sight of a wasp a week after that day in the rain – it was starting to be awkward.  

She had only one more chance to prove herself.

And Gansey – she’d learned he preferred to go by his last name rather than Richard – was not making it any easier. Especially when he was absentmindedly sketching her face in his notebooks. She supposed it made sense that some memories would linger in his brain after encountering her twice in such a short time but seeing her own eyes look back at her from the paper was a rather strange experience.

Blue sat on his bed, watching his pencil fly over his notebook. In truth, Gansey was not doomed to die today so she didn’t have to be here – but she also didn’t have to be anywhere else. He was still her first and only assignment which gave her a lot of time to kill and not a lot of things to do.

The first assignment _mattered_. It was a test – if she couldn’t pass…

Blue let out a frustrated sigh, falling back on the mattress. She didn’t want to think about this. She was tired.

Gansey was still furiously working on his drawing and she watched him, thinking that it was a shame someone so young had to leave the world so soon.

 _Why_ , she thought angrily, her eyes slowly closing, _couldn’t she have gotten someone who wouldn’t be missed?_

 

* * *

Blue woke up to someone watching her.

That, under normal circumstances, would have been an eerie feeling, but more than anything, Blue was confused. The softness of the pillow against her cheek didn’t feel familiar, nor the overpowering smell of mint.

She blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings, then sat up. As she came face to face with Gansey, standing a few inches away from the bed, a mug in his hand, it all came rushing back.

God. She was still at his apartment. And she fell asleep –

“Did you sleep well?”

– which meant she unconsciously exposed herself to him.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Even her wings were uncovered.

“I knew you weren’t a dream or a hallucination. It was real, wasn’t it?”

Blue stared at him stupidly. The urge to make herself invisible and get out of here was strong but what would be the point? He’d already seen her. More than once, and he seemed to remember.

They were going to have her head for this.

Gansey hovered, reaching a tentative hand out towards her. He seemed unbothered by her silence.

“Your wings are beautiful.”

“Don’t touch it,” she hissed and tucked it against her back.

He withdrew his hand and looked at her expectantly. “Well?”

“Well?”

“Can you fly?”

Blue frowned, eyeing him in disbelief. “Is that really what you want to know?”

“Oh, I suppose I should ask you who – or what – you are but I think I already know.”

Blue crossed her arms skeptically. He seemed far too calm and collected for a man who just found a winged woman sleeping in his bed.

“Do you?”

He nodded like it was obvious. “You were there both times I almost died in the past two weeks. It was your face I saw, I’m sure of it now. It’s not hard to guess.”

“What am I then?”

“Death.”

He said it easily, no heavy weight in his voice. Blue almost wondered if he even understood the magnitude of what he was implying.

She pursed her lips. “Wrong.”

Then she stood up, watching as Gansey took a step back. Not so fearless, after all.

Pretending not to notice, she said, “I’m an angel.”

Gansey raised his eyebrows. “You’re not here to kill me then?”

“ _No_ ,” Blue exclaimed, offended. Reapers did not kill – they were all very adamant about that. She added, “I’m only here to help you move on.”

“Ah.” His voice was sardonic but given the situation, Blue didn’t think she could hold that against him. “That’s the same thing.”

He walked over to his desk and put his mug down, his back to her. There was something vulnerable and terribly sad in his posture, shoulders hunched, face turned down, and Blue once again wished she was assigned someone less undeserving.

But perhaps, that was the point. Perhaps, the first was supposed to be difficult.

He didn’t turn back when he said, “Pardon me for asking but why didn’t you… ah, what was it you said? Helped me move on already?”

Blue didn’t have a good answer to that. She didn’t feel very willing to share that his friends’ reaction made her weak. When she said nothing for several seconds, Gansey turned back to her.

He gave her a bittersweet smile. “Can I, at least, finish my coffee first?”

“Oh…” Blue said, surprised. She didn’t realize he thought she was here to reap him. “I’m not – I’m not taking you right now.”

“Oh. I thought… Why not?”

“It’s not your time yet.”

“Not my time yet? I thought my time was already up – twice.”

Blue sighed, having no idea how to explain this. Her training didn’t include dealing with these sort of questions – probably because they were not supposed to reveal themselves to humans who were not to be reaped yet. She really messed up now and briefly wondered whether she’d already played her chances.

“It’s not that simple. Because I didn’t reap you, you missed your window.” She paused. “Twice, yes. Now, we're waiting.”

“For how long?”

“I don’t know,” Blue shrugged. Probably not very long but she didn’t want to mention that. It could still take a few weeks. “But if you have any unfinished business, anything you still want to do… well, I would do it now if I were you.”

Gansey nodded but the gesture was absentminded. She could tell his mind was a million miles away. At the sight, her guilt reared its head once again.

“Why are you here, then?” he asked, still sounding distracted.

Blue was still for several seconds. She swallowed, her throat dry. “I don’t know.”

He looked around the apartment, suddenly snapping out of his stupor like waking from a dream. His forced cheerfulness almost gave her a whiplash – it was so surprising and wrong that it could only be fake.

“Well. If you’re already here, would you like a cup of coffee?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never drank any.”

“Oh, of course. How foolish of me. You’re not really experienced in our culture, are you? Well,” A playful smile appeared on his lips when Blue shook her head, “allow me to introduce it to you.”

 

* * *

“I’ll be honest,” Blue said, sipping the latte Gansey had ordered for her. They were sitting outside a small café, watching passersby, and enjoying the warm summer breeze ruffling their hair. Hiding her wings was a little uncomfortable but she was managing. The coffee was quite good, actually, and Gansey looked delighted when she told him so, mentioning something about showing her pizza next.

He continued to look at her with a thousand questions burning in his eyes but he had yet to voice any of them. Perhaps he suspected, quite logically, that she was not allowed to talk about such matters with a mortal.

The only question he had asked her so far was after she had introduced herself.

_“Is Blue a common name for angels? It’s quite strange. It’s also the name of a color.”_

The answer was no, it was not a common name for angels, but she only told him that yes, she knew it was also the name of a color, thank you very much, then willfully shook her head when he so funnily dubbed her Jane.

Blue went on, “I’m not really sure why you decided befriending me was the next logical step after finding out what I am.”

Gansey coughed, putting his cup down.

“Are you kidding?” he asked, incredulous. Blue raised her eyebrows at him impassively.

“You’re an actual angel. An angel of death.” _Emphasis on death_ , Blue thought, somewhat bitterly. “How often can people say that they know one or they’re friends with one? This is the most fascinating thing that has ever happened to me.”

“Oh, I see,” Blue snapped, feeling a bit objectified. “I’m an exotic pet.”

“No – No, I didn’t mean to imply that,” Gansey hurried to clarify. His wide-eyed worry over Blue misunderstanding his words would have been sweet – if she didn’t have to wonder that he was merely afraid she would kill him right then and there. “You’re not a pet, of course.”

He paused, looking away. Once again, Blue could see vulnerability in the way he scrutinized the tabletop just to avoid looking at her.

“I want to die with adventure.” His voice was quiet. “I don’t mean to use you but if this is the last adventure I get to have… I want to make the most of it.”

Blue regarded him carefully. He looked small and sad. Just a boy destined to die too soon. Suddenly, she felt both angry and heartbroken, and she couldn’t tell which emotion was strongest. Her willingness to hurt this boy reached an all-time low.

“Doesn’t it bother you, what I’m here to do?” she asked quietly.

What she really wanted to ask was _“Are you not afraid of me?”_ but she was too scared to hear the answer.

He looked up at her, and there was no malice in his eyes, only melancholy. Blue swallowed.

“I’m glad I know so I can say goodbye to my friends. I have to make a few arrangements… to make sure they will be fine after I’m gone. And you…” He paused, staring at her for a few quiet seconds. Blue felt oddly naked under his stare. “I can’t do anything about dying. But knowing you makes me feel… special.”

Blue couldn’t help a small, bashful smile. He was sweet – willing to see the good even in her. If she were in his place, Blue couldn’t say she’d be so understanding.

“Come on.” He finished his coffee in one swift gulp and stood up. “I have a few more places to show you.”

Blue stood up as well, following Gansey towards his hideously bright orange car parked across the street. She shuddered a bit thinking about it. Humans were very unfortunate to have to rely on cars rather than the comfortable and straightforward wings.

Then Gansey stepped down on the sidewalk, and at the same time, a shiny white car turned the corner violently, heading towards Gansey at full speed.

Blue reacted on instinct, grabbing him by the shoulder and yanking him back as hard and as fast as she could. Gansey stumbled, crashing into her, but taking several steps back and narrowly missing a collision with the car.

The car sped by, the driver honking loudly, and Blue hissed, resisting the urge to make a crude gesture.

No. She definitely didn’t like cars.

Gansey looked at her wide-eyed and out-of-breath, fear dancing on his face. He quickly tried to mask it but Blue saw. He was scared of dying.

“Wow. That was – ”

Her hand still on his shoulder, she squeezed it.

“Still not your time. Not today.”

He swallowed. “Yes. Splendid.” He took a deep breath, smoothing down his hair and clothes, collecting his composure. Then he gave her a smile, brilliant and handsome and fake. “Let’s go on.”

* * *

He took her to a drive-in cinema that day and bought her ice-cream afterwards. She wanted to try all of the flavors and he happily indulged her at first but they both quickly realized that was a mistake.

In the next couple of weeks to come, he took her to an amusement park and the theatre and the museum and stargazing. He treated it as a mission: the goal was to show her as many places as possible during their short time together, and he was doing it just as much for himself as for her. Blue never had so much fun in her short angelic life so she didn’t mind being treated as his one last adventure.

When he wasn’t with his friends, he was with her, talking and driving around town and always showing her new things. Sometimes, they’d stay up all night (especially when he was anxious about his future or having nightmares of his death) and they’d play a game or she’d help him build his miniature cardboard town.

Every morning, she’d wake up anxious that fate would finally set the date of Gansey’s third death but they never did. Blue was not complaining but she was confused – yet too afraid to contact anyone and ask around. If, by a miracle, they forgot about Gansey… she didn’t want to remind them.

As Blue stuffed her face with pizza that night, tired from the day’s adventures – trekking through a forest named Cabeswater – she watched Gansey and realized how imbalanced their relationship was. He was giving her full access to his world, teaching her new things and showing her beautiful places, and she gave him no insight to her world. Of course, her world was supposed to be a secret from mortals, but she was here to reap him and he was treating her with nothing but kindness, and she couldn’t help feeling like she should repay it somehow.

Knowing he was curious about how things worked in her world, she put down her pizza and said, “Alright. You’ve been good to me so I think I can answer one question you have about angels – one question only.

Gansey, too, put down his slice, deep in thought.

“Can it be a request?”

Blue bit her lip.

“It depends on what it is,” she said, wary that he might ask for his life or something equally impossible. She’d hate to say no to that, especially since she didn’t want to.

“I’d like to see your wings again.” He paused. “I’d like to touch it.”

This was not what she expected. In her surprise, she remained quiet for a while and Gansey began backtracking.

“That is, of course, if it’s not too personal for you. I’m not really sure how – ”

“Okay,” she cut him off, not wanting to see him apologize. Spending the past few weeks with him, she had learned that Gansey could agonize over accidentally offending people for days.

Wings _were_ personal for angels – but if this was his request, she’d grant it.

Slowly, she unfurled her wings, stretching her arms at the same time. She’d been hiding her wings for so long, they felt old and cramped. The more she spread them out, the lighter they felt, and now she was glad Gansey asked to see them.

She playfully fluttered them once and he let out a delighted laugh. Blue couldn’t help smiling herself.

“Go ahead, then. Touch them.”

He reached out, hesitant. Blue watched his fingers move closer, strangely excited. Her heart was beating fast and she almost shivered when he laid his hand on her. This was not meant to be a romantic moment, Blue knew that, but the sudden vision of her kissing Gansey wouldn’t leave her head. It almost made her flinch back like a spooked horse but Gansey was already touching her and she couldn’t move.

He stroked her wings, so careful. Blue would have told him not to worry about hurting her if she wasn’t afraid her voice would falter.

His eyes flitted up to hers, and she suddenly realized how close they were. Of course, he had moved closer to be able to touch her. Now she wished he’d move back, if only so she could breathe.

As if he could hear her thoughts, he pulled away. “Thank you, Jane.”

Blue merely nodded, still not trusting her voice. Impulsively, she yanked a feather out of her wings and handed it to him.

Clearing her throat, she said, “It doesn’t have any special powers or anything… but maybe it’ll keep you safe.”

The way he looked at her then – it was something more than gratitude. It was almost… worship. And when they locked eyes, she knew they were both thinking the same thing.

It was not really a decision to lean in to kiss him, it was instinct and a feeling of familiarity. Like they had done this already and were still yet to do it.                                         

He moved the same time as she did, his hands wrapping around her waist, hers around his neck. His lips were too soft for Blue to worry about the consequences of this kiss – for now, she was content to lose herself in the moment.

It was a chaste kiss, lasting only for a few short seconds but it was enough to doom her and her entire mission. Blue knew there was no way she could reap Gansey now.

They pulled away, both of them blushing. Blue’s eyes nervously darted around the room, searching for something to break the silence. It was not entirely awkward, yet not the comfortable kind of silence, either. She’d never kissed a human before (barely kissed any other angels, really) and she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act now.

Gansey must have sensed her hesitation because he looked down at the feather in his hand, running his thumb over it, and said, “Didn’t it hurt?”

Blue shrugged. “About as much as yanking out a strand of your hair.”

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging it playfully. “Do you want one?”

She laughed, all embarrassment gone. He gave her a satisfied grin before picking up his unfinished slice of pizza, and Blue, too, took it as a sign to go back to eating. She felt ravenous, suddenly, but the food barely satisfied her hunger.

 

* * *

Blue expected repercussions but not this.

She expected to be fired, disgraced, fallen, she expected them to cast her out and assign Gansey to another reaper.

She didn’t expect them to order her to kill Gansey herself. _Kill_. Not just reap.

It was an unusually cruel punishment, Blue thought. Was she meant to put a knife to his throat or push him out the window? Was she meant to slip poison in his food? Her kind was not supposed to kill, they were supposed to reap – that was their rule. That was their pride and justification.

How could they expect her to…?

Gansey, sitting on his bed beside her, let out a heavy sigh. It was the first thing to break their long silence. Outside, the wind was rattling Gansey’s floor-to-ceiling windows and dark clouds were rolling in, predicting a nasty storm, but it wasn’t raining yet.

It was rather cold in the apartment – if anyone asked, that was why Blue was shaking.

“What now?” Gansey asked, voice quiet.

Blue didn’t answer for a long time. Her mind was elsewhere, recalling all the devotion and respect she used to feel for her job and her elders, and wondering where it had all gone.

A tear slipped down her cheek and she mechanically wiped it away. With quiet, sometimes trembling voice, she began talking.

“The thing is, you're my first assignment, Gansey. I'm a young angel. This was supposed to be… my test.”

Blue laughed without amusement, thinking of how much she messed it up. To fall in love with an assignment – what a joke. It couldn’t have gone worse.

Gansey was silent but alert beside her.

“All my life, I've been told how lucky I am to be to be a reaper. How they are one of the most important class of angels.” She paused and looked at him, regretful. “I believed them.”

She took a shuddering breath.

“I know that without death the whole universe would collapse. They told me that so many times, repeated it like a mantra. But that day in the rain when I saw your friends, desperately trying to save you...” Blue trailed off, remembering Ronan trying to breathe life into Gansey, and Adam calling for help and clutching the cellphone like it was his lifeline. Sniffling, she looked away from Gansey. “Maybe it's just not for me.” 

Gansey was quiet, pondering. “So that's why you spared me.”

Blue nodded, her quiet affirmation barely audible over the raindrops that were now clattering against the window.

“What will happen to you if you don’t obey?”

She turned to him sharply, surprised. “Is that what you're worried about?”

He glanced away but for all his nonchalance, she could see the pain behind his eyes. “There’s no saving me anyway, is there? The way I see it... at least, you could save yourself. I don't know what they do to rogue angels but if it's anything bad - ”

Blue cut him off with a kiss. She kissed him because she didn’t want to listen to this, she kissed him because his care and worry for her set her heart racing, she kissed him because she wanted to.

They had not talked about the kiss they shared a few days ago, nor did they do it again, but it didn’t seem to matter. Gansey was still in the middle of talking but as soon as his brain caught up, he kissed her back without hesitation.

Her wings fluttered, unfurling against her own will. She wrapped them around Gansey, protective, like she could shield him from any harm in her embrace.

Gansey pulled away, his gentle fingers caressing her cheek. Blue felt a little ruined and delirious, undone by the storm of emotions in his eyes. That look from a few days ago, the one that made her kiss him, was back. It did many strange things to her heart and body.

“Of course I’d fall in love with death,” he whispered, voice thick with reverence.

A little choked up, Blue replied, “I’m not your death. I promise.”

Then she kissed him again. And they didn’t stop kissing for a long time.

* * *

Blue had never known peace until this moment with Gansey. His fingers playing with her hair, her hand slowly exploring his chest, she felt invincible. Hopeful. How could this boy, so real and so alive in front of her, be doomed to die?

He couldn’t. It was impossible. He would be saved, somehow – she’d find a way.

Of course, her bubble had to be burst eventually but she didn’t expect Gansey to be one to do it.

Breaking their long comfortable silence, he said, “Thank you for this perfect goodbye.”

Her hand stilled, ironically, right above his heart. His heartbeat was steady and hadn’t picked up even at the implication of his words. He was so calm.

She slowly raised her eyes to him. “This was goodbye to you?”

He gave a noncommittal grunt. “Wasn’t it?”

“No.” Blue pulled herself up angrily, tightening the blanket around her body as it slipped. “ _No_ , it was a hello. Maybe a nice to see you again. Not goodbye.”

“Jane –” Gansey reached for her hand but she snatched it away. He exhaled quietly, gave her a look. Somewhere between hurt and scolding. Blue didn’t like that she thought she saw pity in his eyes.

“ _Blue_ ,” he continued. “I’m ready.” There was a heavy pause and Blue knew what he was going to say. She was already protesting in her mind. “Kill me.”

She knew he was going to say it but she still let out a disbelieving gasp. How could he ask her that? She would have rather he asked for his life, instead – as impossible it was, she would have granted it. Nevermind that she didn’t have the authority to do that, she would have found a way.

But apparently, he didn’t even want to try.

“No.”

“I left a will – ” he tried to continue but she willfully cut him off.

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it.”

She took a deep breath but it did little to calm her. Gansey’s blatant disregard of his own worth was as infuriating as it was sad. If she had a little more time, she would be able to help him love himself more.

But time was the problem here, wasn’t it?

Exhausted, she shook her head, her eyes pleading with him. “Can we discuss this tomorrow, please?”

Gansey nodded after a long moment of contemplation. He lay back on the bed, opening his arms for her, and she snuggled into the crook of his neck, his arm wrapping around her shoulder. His closeness made her feel safe and warm, but sleep didn’t come to her eyes for a long time. 

* * *

Blue woke up to someone watching her and it felt a lot like deja vu. But when she opened her eyes, expecting Gansey to be staring back with an affectionate smile, he was still fast asleep. Confused and a little wary, Blue sat up in bed, coming face to face with someone she didn’t expect.

Orla.

Orla was a fate angel, not a reaper, which was a little relieving, but seeing any of her colleagues here was most definitely trouble. She could be the angel assigned to choose Gansey’s fate except –

“Wait a minute, you? But your specialty is love, not death. Am I missing something here?”

Orla smiled. “Not a thing.”

Before she could question that, it occurred to Blue that reapers could be here as well. She couldn’t let her guard down. Frantically, she searched the apartment for any signs of other intruders but found none.

Orla held out her hand in a gesture of peace. “Don’t worry, I’m alone. For now.”

“Why are you here?” Blue hissed, too suspicious of Orla’s motives to be nice.

Orla’s eyes slid to Gansey pointedly. He was still sleeping, his chest rising and falling with every breath. Blue was terrified of seeing it stop.

“You know he has to die, right?”

Blue shook her head, not taking her eyes off Gansey. She was tired of being reminded of that. As if she could forget.

“I want to help you, Blue,” Orla continued, causing Blue to snap her head back to her in surprise. She gave Blue an amused and sort of patronizing smile. “I love love. I want you to have a happy ending.”

Blue scrunched up her nose, more lost than ever. “What do you think I should do then?”

“There’s a way to save him. It’s all about balance, Blue. You know that better than anyone else.”

Then she was gone. Just like that. Before Blue could contemplate what she meant by that, they appeared. Reapers.

There were three – if you asked her, a little too much – and she didn’t know them. Probably because they didn’t want anyone to take pity on her.

She shook Gansey, keeping her eyes trained on the reapers, ready to pounce if they attacked. “Gansey, wake up.”

The middle one, dressed in a grey suit, stepped forward.

“Hand over the mortal,” he told her, his voice formal, almost robotic.

Gansey was blinking awake but not fast enough and there was nothing Blue could think to do. Nothing except cradle him in her wings again, ignoring the tears leaking from her eyes. She wasn’t going down without a fight but it was obvious that she was the underdog. She couldn’t restrain them – and Orla hadn’t given her a true solution but a riddle.

“Over my dead body,” she snarled, pushing herself in front of Gansey. He’d finally awoken, his initial confusion turning into alarm when he saw the three angels surrounding them.

“We’re not here for you, reaper, but if you keep resisting, we will have to eliminate you as well,” the grey one replied and Blue could swear she saw something silvery shining in his hand.

They were not kidding.

“Wait, no,” Gansey sat up straighter, trying to entangle himself from Blue’s embrace but she held him tight. She already knew she would give himself up if it meant saving her and she wouldn’t allow that.

“There’s no need to hurt her. Just take me, please.”

“Rest assured, we will.”

Blue thought it over again. “ _There’s a way to save him_ ,” Orla had said. “ _It’s all about balance._ ” Damn it, she was running out of time –

And then all at once, she understood.

“Wait,” she shouted just as the man in grey moved towards them. “Wait. You must keep up the balance, I understand. But he doesn’t have to be the one to die. A life is a life. And I give you my life for his.”

“Blue, _no_ – ” 

She held up a hand to silence Gansey’s protests. “My immortal life.” 

Grey regarded her with a spark of interest for the first time. “You would fall for this human?” 

Blue knew what that meant. She knew that she wouldn't remember anything of her angelic life, including Gansey, and that he, too, would forget her but – 

“Yes. That would satisfy you, wouldn't it? An immortal soul is worth a lot. Take it and leave him alone.”

Grey stared at her in silence for a long time. Blue could feel Gansey’s eyes burning a hole into her back but she wouldn’t turn to face him. She felt like if she turned away from Grey, she’d lose.

At last, Grey inclined his head in an offhand manner, and said, “Alright.”

Then he clapped his hands and everything went black.

* * *

Blue spent most of her days working at Nino’s and pretending she didn’t ache for something more. An adventure, a person to travel with, the unknown.

She wanted to fly and fall in love – though, she’d never admit the latter. Peculiar dreams haunted her every night but they always slipped away by morning. She tried not to concern herself with it but it ate away at her consciousness.

At the cashier of Nino’s, she handed the change back to a very pretentious looking guy, wearing a pink polo shirt and boat shoes. A necklace of a single black feather hung around his neck. It was an odd thing.

“You look familiar,” he told her and Blue would have normally rolled her eyes at such a pickup line but she had the feeling he was being genuine. “Have we met?” 

She regarded him closely. There was a sparkle of familiarity but – 

“I don't think we have.”

**Author's Note:**

> so I wrote 32 fics in this fandom, the majority of them for Blue and Gansey, and I have to say, I never thought I would write so much for them! they gave me a lot of good memories and friends that I made through this fandom, but this is probably the last fic I will post for them. I truly loved this fandom and I will always love this ship but the disappointment over TRK kinda killed my overall excitement for TRC and after two years, I think it's time to officially move on. Thanks for everyone who read my stuff, left kudos, everyone who commented (even now, I still check my comments and I appreciate every single one of them) you guys made this experience amazing for me, and I love you all <3


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